***

***

***

If there was one work I would not want it is laundering. It is so tiring and so frustrating. Clothes can not be machined wash because the cloth tends to become thinner thus destroying the clothes. And also it machine wash lint attaches to clothes which me more irritated and makes me laundry the clothes again. Today, I laundered my tops, I did not have anymore to wear. My next laundred my pants, that I would entrust to our washing machine.

***
I have always had that insecurity of not being pretty as compared to my mom. There would be such a comparison between us but my mom always reminded me that I had a different beauty than hers that made me more beautiful than her. I thoroughly denied that, I felt unpretty most of the time – big factor was because of my flat nose- albeit I look good on pictures. I admit I am photogenic (most people say that I am) only because I know my angle. But when it comes to the real thing – the real me head to toe not the picture – I suck big time.

Two days ago, I received two comments about I being beautiful and it boosted my confidence a little. And from that day I promised that I would continue improving not just my looks but also my character.

Just few a minutes ago, I was secretly taking pictures of myself – it was a hobby I developed when I had the digital cam to myself. Then I started categorizing my pictures -to pretty, not pretty, cute, and to be edited - until I saw a picture that amazed me. A picture that really wowed myself and made me say – I am indeed beautiful.

I don’t know why I had the sudden rant of how beautiful I am. The reason was I saw a different me in that picture; the person that most people do not see. “I am not a standard of beauty of the society but I do have something beautiful in me – my attitude. I am beautiful in the inside and the beauty on my outside is just an additional factor “– that is something mom always reminds me which differentiates my beauty from her. And now, I realized Mom was right. My outside beauty is just a cover to the wonderful gift I have; a gift that not all could see. A beautiful person knows how to see a real beauty in other people. We must not judge not just by what we see, but let us look through what a person can offer. Beauty fades you know.

I may not be beautiful at all my pictures but that picture is a proof that I am. It only took me a few clicks of the camera for me to see the beauty behind my self.



Monday, May 8, 2006.

Normal day. Tina called up about our so-called-lakad to fix our friendship problem which did not occur. I waited her call last Saturday but she did not call. And I thought she did not remember. She asked me to go out tomorrow but I told her I am a little lazy to go out so if she’d like I would appreciate it if she could reschedule it for the weekend.

***

I was a little pissed off with dad about his letters. He was reminding of his letters and I told him that I could not do it for now because kuya is so busy with his work but I assured him that he should not worry because it would just be easy . Then he answered me with “ Sandali ka ng sandali lang eh di mo pa nagagawa”. It suddenly pissed me off. If he does not wait they nothing would happen. If he liked he could it which I think he cannot because he is sick. I love my dad and I willing to do whatever I can to help him - which I have always did since I was kid but I just don’t like it when he has his mood swings and he starts to get a little annoying.

Early that day, as in early, at about pass midnight, about 1 to 2 am – mom and I had a heated argument about life. We talked about the death of tito lito – whom would be buried in a few hours. I told mom that if financial issue was not an issue, maybe they could have gave life a second chance.

***

We arrived on the church right on time. It proceeded like any normal mass just more special because it was dedicated to a dead person. After the mass, there were picture-takings as usual. And mom introduced me again to mrs. Dion. Here’s a little conversation we had that made me smile.

Me: Mano po.
Mrs. Dion: Uy..Mas lalo kang gumanda ah kumpara nung huli kitang nakita
Me: *smile*
Mrs. Dion: iba talaga pag college na..maraming nagbabago
Me: *smile*

I don’t know why I did not utter any words as a simple appreciation to her compliment. I guess it is because I was shocked and I did not know what right words to tell. It has been a while since I heard that compliment – aside from what mae said during the bangus fest. But I am indeed thankful, I even thought it may have been because I had put on a little powder, little blush on, and a little lip gloss. Or maybe just because I was really beautiful as what my mom always remind me about.

During the ceremony of the burial of tito lito, I noticed a little message on his coffin. Aside from the message of his loved ones missing him, a line hit me in question. “ he is not dead…he had just gone ahead.”. He is not dead? Are they in denial? Sorry for my comment by I guess they had a problem chosing the right words.

Also, while the family of tito lito were crying, people were loudly talking about the merienda that the family offered. A loud comment was “Asan na yung straw?” competing with the cries of the family. What a burial?

Before we left the burial, mom vastly introduced me to old relative of us. I readily said “mano po” to her. And she told me that I was a beautiful girl. A second compliment, that I never expected. I hope she did not mislooked me. That second compliment made me feel better about myself and realized that as possible as I can to put some blush and gloss on my face when I go out. I little color on my face won’t hurt that much right.?
A question lingers on my mind, why didn’t I cry? I once heard God talking to Joan of Joan of Arcadia about their episode about death ‘that people tend to be hurt when someone dies because they get attached.” I definitely agreed with that, we built connections with different people, that we get tend to get used to. And if that person leaves or dies, we start to long for that connection that we know is lost forever. So why didn’t I cry during the burial? My reason was I was in complete control of my emotions not to let sadness rule over me. I do miss tito lito and I did had regrets for not being able to see him before his death but I cut off the link between just so I would not feel the pain of loss. Hard to believe but true – it was the only way I would not get hurt but I did not.

***

Love quotes filled my cellphone the whole afternoon. I never really expected quotes to come in my cp because it has been a while since I received some. Is this a sign? I thought; then it hit me I thought of what Richard said about my mr. right will come soon in my life. All I could say about mr right., if he comes, he comes. And if he does, I’d be glad.

***

I had a tv marathon during the afternoon. And I was able to watch the incredibles (it was good). And Oh yeah, the scrubs episode was about death. Coincidence? Possible. It talked about accepting death. The episode could be summarized in this saying: ( 2nd line to be exact)

If someone laughs, someone cries;
If someone is born, someone dies;
If you love someone, let them know for they may leave tomorrow.

***

When I started to think about Kat B. not calling, then suddenly she called. Right then and there on her first words I felt that something was bothering her. And I am damn right. We had a little comedy before she told me the two things that bothered her. First, was regarding me. She was having problems with my story telling. I always had that blah..blah..blah statement. I was saying that blah..blah..blah..statement as if the person I am talking to already knows what I am to but she is not that’s why she is having problems understanding my stories.


Saturday, May 6, 2006

HaPPy birthday to aunti conching and Jr.


61 going on 16.



Family is always associated with support system that leads to unity ; Where can you expect unity than in family occasions. A perfect example of such occasion – birthday. Auntie conching turned 61 this day and decided to have a party in jollibee. Being 61 and feeling like a kid was not bad after all. Tita conching’s expenses was sponsored by kuya Jeffrey – what a family tradition of helping out family members huh. During the party it was realized that it was also jr.s birthday; the funny thing was he was turning 16. coincidence? Possible. Also as a special treatment to him, he had his birthday song and the number 61 in the cake rearranged to be 16 – resourceful indeed.

***

It was the last day of tito lito’s wake and I needed to come. Mom said if we can’t come to the funeral at least we made it in the last day. Mom was worried we may not be able to come to the funeral because it was so early. We are late sleepers and with late sleepers comes late wakers.*laugh*

Mom wanted me to talk to jonathan (tito lito’s son). Jonathan was the guy who was so into cars to the point that he could have married his car. Also, he was the one who requested me to make a friendster testimonial for him and rejected it due to his reason that it was too negative and that it might destroy his “social status”. What a guy would do that huh? Lame and illogical.

Well, fate maybe wanted us to talk or maybe so jong would not turn crazy because he doesn’t have anyone to talk to.haha. When mom left for the bathroom, he readily sat beside me and talked to me about his former gf who happens to be the sister of my friend myleen. What a jerk? All the time all he was saying was marife this and marife that. How was myleen..and blah blah blah. We did talk about some other stuff aside from the light in the sky or the man that passed by us that seemed like as a ghost. Here is something that he said that made me feel sorry for him.

Me: Are you an interner savvy?
Jong: Hindi eh.
Me: Blog? Friendster?
Jong: Panayang lang sa oras yan.

I did not really feel sorry for him, I just disagree with him. OK, whatever his reason was I don’t mind. Personally, I don’t find the internet boring and a waste of time. Internet may have some disadvantages but I would say that it had become a great help to society. Without it, we may not plagiarize papers, have many research materials for our reports, and communicate with our relatives – which I am sure that he had done.

All through out the time that he was beside me, Ivan and I were texting. And I guess he was a little out of place because he doesn’t know what mom and I were talking about. Out of desperation, he asked my number just for the sake so he could add another number of a girl in his phone. Anyway, I think I am too rude to him. Am I? Not really I am just telling my stark observation. No biases. No lies. Just pure truth.

I received a text from ivan, he wanted me to call him. Sadly I was in jollibee. I thought of using my free 5 minute call to call him but why do I need to if I have a landline to call unlimited. So I decided to call angel, darn I miss my friends. I called him but he was eating dinner so I told him I’d call him again. Rather we just texted all through out the night till my unlimited went off. He just said goodnight and there wasn’t another call.

I realized that Ivan only calls for two reasons: if he is very happy or if he has a disturbing problem. Not that I don’t like why he wanted me to call for two reasons but I had just realized why. What’s my basis you say if he is happy? There were many times that he wanted me to call because he had a great day either he is with his family, friends, gf or provinve or he had experience something wonderful. An example was this day – he wanted me to call because he wanted me to know his experience in their mountain; how they harvested coconuts and experience nature. How can I say that he was too happy? It is because he wanted me to call even before he set foot in their house and even before he had his first meal of the day. What is my basis if he has a disturbing problem? He would text me differently telling me to call. His text would not have that happy aura but rather it turns to be a big favor. One time, he wanted me to call and I already felt the sadness in his text. Then I heard his voice, there were no trace of happiness. Another sign, he wanted me to tell a story rather than asking me how I am. Then, he would not want to talk about dramatic stuff. Afterwards we hung up the phone, he would text me telling me about what is bothering him and telling me that he is sorry because he was not able to tell it during the conversation because he is not ready. See? I have my reasons.

After receiving the call yesterday from jigs asking me to come in his birthday, I’ve felt a little something undefined. A feeling I guess I could call acceptance. Jigs had a party last year which I was not able to attend because I was in manila. I guess I felt that acceptance because I am not always invited in parties in our batch thoroughly out of my so-called-barkada. But I did, jigs was a nice person inside and out; what you see is what you get with him.

I slept at about 4 or 5 am in the morning fixing my blog and blog hopping. I got glued to Paula peralejo’s blog. I never thought that she studied/ still studying in UP Diliman. I was wowed to her very intelligent blog. She talks about current issues and has a say to everything about everything that matters.

All of us are suppose to meet in MG at 11 am and are all together will leave for San Fabian. But as my loving bestfriend Kat as being a pasaway, she wanted me to go her place for us to be specially picked up by jigs.

Kat was having second thoughts of the party because my-my has a possibility of not coming because my-my had a petty quarrel with her sister and also kat’s uncle came and asked them to go out. I arrived when her family is chit-chatting. I thought I came at a wrong time but her family never made me feel unaccepted. It was already lunch and they asked me to join them and then we ate at Matutina’s.

My-my and Kat E. arrived in kat’s place while we were in Matutina’s. Kat decided for them to go to jigs party and we would just go after. But when we came back they waited for us so we can leave together – what sweet friends.

Kat’s bro gave us a ride and left us in a gas station where kat b. attracted a number of tricycle drivers with her vibrant legs..hehe. We waited for an hour until jigs arrived to pick us up and deliver us in their resort. Kat B was in heat because jigs was late – the reason jigs was late? He had to fix the car – that’s why he had those dirty hands.

In the car, jigs introduced us to Aibe (a special girl in his life). Aibe seems a little selosa (with her mystified looks) at first but is not really. In the party, there are angela, arman, pepz, Irvin, aaron, jiro, joseph and add the four of us girls. The party was nice. We were chit-chatting and eating at the same time. Some of the guys were swimming while us girls just watched – pretty much we don’t want to get wet..why?..most of us got that day of the month..hehe.. But as guys my-my , kat e. and I were threatened to be thrown to be pool but gladly was not done.

During the whole party I had a chance to chat with Aibe, I never thought she would be that friendly and sweet. Thinking that she did not belong to the group because she came from a different school she knew how to mingle with the people. She knew how to laugh at the right jokes and comment. What a babe?!

After that we went to the beach, jigs jetskied. There was this small conversation about aibe and jigs being a couple. How could two people love when the whole is against them? We’ll see if they can prove the world wrong for judging them.

I thought there would be a beer session – too bad there wasn’t. After the party Arman and I went to kAt b.’s place to hang-out. We ate dinner and had some conversations.

It was the first time I had a real conversation with arman. He was a typical guy with typical attitudes. Yes, he does brags about himself and his former break-up with my friend angela. But what more could I do? I just listened all through out. As what ivan says – ako ay isang dakilang tagapakinig.

***

Pass midnight at about 1 am, Richard and I were still texting. I was unlimited that night so I seized every moment of it. We talked about his life and how he is doing. I was shocked when he started asking question about life – what makes a man? How could tell a loved one about her being an inspiration to me?. I was shocked that he was open to these things. His texts seem to be different – more intelligent to be exact. Try to read his text below – prototype, what a word.hehe. He told me about his problems and the things that were bothering him and I gave him a little counseling.

Richard has a few close friends as what he tells me. He chooses people to whom he would confide and his sweet text would tell how few we are in his life.

u know wat
someday inda
future, I want 2 be
an ivan prototype
hehe, ung tipo ni
ivan cguro ung
masarap
kaibiganin, 7 tau
pla sa mundo ang
klala kng age na
close k.

At the end of our texting at about 2 am he texted me a mind bugging statement.

Gud nyt din
salamat s lahat ng
advice m, malapit n
yata c mr. right
sau hehe. gud day.

My reply about mr. right soon coming to my life… “SANA”..hehe..

sino kaya si mr. right?!